Friday, May 7, 2010

Aging in Time

Last night I looked in the mirror and had a very weird experience. As I stood there I felt like I was still 19 years old. This wasn't necessarily the weird part as I have felt that way ever since I turned 19, almost like time froze that year. The weird part was when I was suddenly shaken out of the fantasy and realized that I am getting older.

A lot has changed since then. I am now married, graduated, and a mom. I have been stressed out by the cramming of finals. I have felt what it's like to have absolutely no time for anything but work and school. I have conquered the art of making ramen noodles. I have felt true love. I have realized that the best dates are with my best friend. I have come to treasure quiet weekends spent at home with my husband.

I have felt life in my womb.  I have held a crying baby in my arms and rocked them to sleep.  I have kissed chubby cheeks over and over again.  I have wiped tears and snotty noses.  I have been thrown up on.  I have lost any sense of pride as I baby talked and made funny faces just for a smile - in public.  I have kissed owies "all better".  I have watched Elmo more times than any other show in my life.  I have mastered the art of changing diapers (but only on chubby legged babies, skinny ones throw my groove off).  I have realized the healing power of snuggles (for both mother and child).  I have come to understand Mary Poppin's bag a little more fully through carrying a diaper bag.  I have snuck in to my son's room late at night just to sneak in one last kiss for the day.  I have felt as though my heart could burst.  I have felt the depth of a mother's love.  I have lost a child.  I have felt the depth of sorrow only to be lifted up by hope again.

I have lost my awesome metabolism that used to allow me to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  I didn't realize how blessed I was until I found out that the amount of cookie dough I put in my mouth triples in size and gets added to my behind.  I have come to love yoga pants.  I have gray hairs.  I have become more concerned about preventing skin cancer then having tanned skin.  I have made awesome meals and not so awesome ones.  I have started my very own online business.  I have cursed my very own online business.  I have learned the importance of being a good friend.  I have been more sensitive to the Lord's tender mercies.  I have had experiences that strengthened my testimony.

I have loved, laughed, cried, (cried and laughed at the same time), hurt, felt joy and grown.

I suppose the cause of all this reflection would be the fact that Mother's Day and my birthday are just around the corner.  It is always so crazy to me how fast years go by.  Even when you have days like mine today, where you feel like they will never end, time goes by too quickly.  I think the greatest thing I have learned since being 19 is that life is beautiful.  You can find joy in every day.  I want to treasure every moment, conquer every trial and be grateful for every blessing.


  1. I feel like I am still 19, or 18, or 17 sometimes. Maybe its because I married a good friend from high school? You are full of experience - crazy to think, we are just getting started right?

  2. I love this post. I have reflective moments like this sometimes and I like hearing that other people do too! :) I was just thinking about the skin cancer vs tan thing the other day in fact!

  3. I love this post Hilary! It's funny how those moments of reflection creep up on you and you realize how wonderful life really is...even when you have reason to think otherwise on some days :) It's amazing to think that if we were to live to our 90's, our life is not even a third of the way over, we still have SO much life ahead of us!

  4. You forgot to mention your just as fun as you were when you were 19!! That's why you still feel 19! I sure love you lots!

  5. My birthday and anniversary are both close to mother's day so I can totally relate to this post right now. I love your sweet words about your life in recent years and what you have learned.


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