Simply Hil

Dear Michael, Today marks two months since we held you in our arms for the first time... and said our goodbyes.  Not a whole lot has happened since then, but I think we prefer it that way for now.  I still think of you every day.  And night for that matter... do I ever think about you at night.  Nights are the hardest time for me.  My mind always brings the memories of you right to the very front the second my head hits that pillow. I think about the day I found out I was pregnant, the ultrasounds, the Primary Childen's visit, the loss, the induction, the labor, the delivery and the burial.  All things that either bring tears to my eyes or cause my heart to ache, or both.  But you know what my absolute favorite memories are?  The moments when I was able to hold you in my arms, kiss your sweet little forehead and tell you that I love you. I do love you, Michael.  So much. I'm so grateful to have had you in my life.  You have chang...

I finally made the curry tonight. It was delicious and turned out great (surprisingly). So, as promised here is the recipe. Before sharing though, there are a few things I need to confess: 1. I'm not actually 100% sure this is necessarily a Thai Chicken Curry as my title says. But it tastes identical to the curry from our favorite Thai restaurant... so I've decided to call it that. 2. I am horrible at taking food photos. I can never make them look appetizing (especially if it is yellow!).  I like to blame it on the lighting, but I know it's usually just my lack of photography and photoshop skill.  So, please don't decide whether you are going to make this stuff based on my photos.  Rather, base it off of me telling you that this is some really good curry. 3. I am a messy cook.  When I cook, my kitchen looks like a tornado hit.  It doesn't matter if I am making a full on three course meal or just baking cookies, my kitchen ends up looking like ...

Thanks to HayHay, it was brought to my attention that my blog button was directing people to the wrong blog.  That's my crazy brain for ya.  It is now fixed, so if you currently have my button just replace it with the new coding provided below or on the sidebar. <a href="http://www.hilsblog.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Hil's Blog" src="http://i372.photobucket.com/albums/oo169/simplyyoursdesign/hilsblogbutton.png" /></a> ...Oh, and don't forget to enjoy the rest of your weekend!  As for the curry... I think tonight could be the night.  Cross your fingers.

It is past midnight here and I went to bed over an hour ago.  I finally gave up on trying to fall asleep and I'm sure my husband didn't appreciate hearing me toss and turn non stop.  So here I sit on my couch in the dark with my laptop, hoping to get some of my thoughts out so that I can finally have some peace of mind and go to sleep.  Night time really is the worse time for me.  For some reason my brain feels the need to think about every little last thing before I fall asleep.  It drives me nuts. Tonight I was thinking about our appointment at Primary Children's.  I can still feel the pain of that visit each time I think about it.  I'm not sure how I was able to keep composure as the doctor told us that we were going to lose our son to Ebstein's .  Thank goodness for my pregnant body and having to use the restroom right after so that I could have some time to myself.  I sobbed good and hard in that bathroom stall.  I'm sure the lad...

No curry tonight.  Instead we stuffed ourselves full of our favorite salsa for dinner.  I would love to tell you that I made this salsa from scratch and could give you the recipe, but the truth is that we bought it from our favorite mexican restaurant.  We splurged and bought a whole tub full tonight.  Yuh-um. This stuff is my weak spot lately.  It is so yummy and so fresh and so spicy.  Seriously the best salsa we have ever come across.  I think my brother has even been quoted saying he could drink it, it's that good.  Not only is it the yummiest snack, but I love that I can justify eating a lot of it by telling myself that I am getting my daily servings of veggies. On another note, we took a stroll through Target tonight and came upon their bulk section.  Talk about awesome!  We are one of the few families that actually doesn't own a membership to any of the bulk stores, so we decided to do a little stocking up.  We are now...

It's been a crazy week.  Kind of scary to think that it is only Tuesday. Hopefully the rest of the week will calm down some.  Today I got my hair cut.  I added some bangs because I was desperately wanting something new for my hair but didn't want to chop it off quite yet.  Thanks to Megan who talked me into it, without really talking to me but rather led by example. After the hair cut I made dinner for a family who recently had a bouncing baby boy.  Aside from the fact that I accidentally added one tablespoon of salt instead of the 2 teaspoons it called for, preparation went well.  When I dropped the food off I was able to take a peak at the sweet little baby.  He was just a week old and completely lost in dreamland at that moment.  As I gazed down at his innocence, I couldn't help but be reminded of my sweet little baby that I was able to hold in my arms just seven weeks ago.  It's crazy isn't it?  What these babies do to our heart...

Wednesday was an interesting day.  I had my six week postnatal appointment and went with no new baby in-tow.  My husband came and watched Little Guy for me, they hung out in the waiting room and played with the fishies.  The nurse took my vitals and asked if I wanted them to weigh me.  I decided sure, why not?  It will hopefully give me more motivation to continue working out and eating better.  Wrong.  It just depressed me.  It's hard telling myself that it's okay to have some extra weight, I just had a baby for crying out loud.  Hard only because I have no baby to show for it. I sat in the room waiting for the doctor to come in for about 30 minutes.  In that 30 minutes I looked around the room.  It was weird being there.  Last time I was there we had just broken the news from our Primary Childrens visit to my doc that our little Michael had Ebstein's Anomaly and wasn't expected to make it to full gestation.  We had di...

(Picture taken from source) I couldn't sleep last night.  This seems to be a reoccurring thing in my life lately.  My husband and I ended up having a pretty deep conversation right before bed.  He still fell asleep within three seconds but I couldn't get my mind to shut down. The next thing I knew I was back at that night when I gave birth to Michael.  A scene that has been played over and over in my mind over the last 6 weeks.  I hadn't cried too much that day while I was in labor.  At least not as much as I expected to.  I would cry, however, whenever I thought about how after all this pain was over with, I wasn't going to have the reward of hearing a baby cry.  Instead it would be silent. It wasn't until it was time for me to push when I finally let the tears come.  I couldn't help but sob through the rest of the delivery.  Not because I was in pain physically (thank you epidurals), but because I was in pain emotionally.  ...

::   Pink Fresh and Clean Perfume .  I picked my friend up for a girls night one night and when she got in the car a wave of smelly goodness hit my nose.  I asked her what she was wearing, and it happened to be this perfume.  It immediately went on my Christmas wish list.  It smelled wonderful!  I love wearing it.  It is just the right mix of subtle and awesome. ::   Old Navy Yoga Pants .  Old Navy was having an awesome sale on all of their activewear this weekend.  I picked up 2 pairs of yoga pants and some running capris.  I'm pretty sure my husband is going to regret ever allowing me to buy them as they will be the only pants I will wear from now on.  Talk about comfortable. ::   Lindsay Brin's Postnatal Boot Camp .  This was the main reason why I bought the yoga pants.  I have been doing this DVD for two weeks now, I will be starting week three this week.  I can't tell you how much I love it. ...

Friday's are always just a little hard for me.  They mark one more week that we have lived without our sweet little Michael.  Today makes a total of six weeks .  I feel like my heart is healing though.  There are more good days than bad and I haven't had a good hard cry in a while.  Not because I have been putting it off or avoiding it (I don't think), but just because I haven't felt the need to.  I'm sure the time will come again when I do, but for now I feel at peace. The other day I was thinking about how I was supposed to be 27 weeks pregnant this week.  But then I thought about how I obviously wasn't supposed to be otherwise I would be.  We were supposed to lose Michael and there is a reason for why things turned out the way they did.  We just won't know that reason for a while. I am usually not a huge planner (something I should probably work on this year) but when it came to getting pregnant for the second time I really thought it...

One of the many things I have learned from my experience with losing Michael is how incredibly caring people are.  It never ceases to amaze me the kind acts that are done in behalf of our sweet little boy. Over Christmas I received a package from Meg .  I was led to Meg's blog through my sister-in-law, who had told me about her friend's experience right after our visit with Primary Children's.  I read Meg's story just a few days before losing Michael.  She lost her sweet little boy, Clayton, at 21 weeks.  I remember reading her posts and sobbing uncontrollably, praying that I would not have to experience the heartache that that poor mother had gone through.  Little did I know that I would be going through that very experience just days later.  Meg is truly an inspiration and has been such an example to me.  After losing Clayton, she was diagnosed with cancer and after a long hard road is finally in remission.  Her strength is admirable. B...