Monday, May 31, 2010

Remembering Something Impossible to Forget

My Sweet Michael-

It rained today.

Right as we pulled up to your gravesite it started to really come down.  I was grateful I had brought a coat with a hood and that your dad had thrown in a hoodie for your big brother.

The cemetery was the busiest I have ever seen it.  Cars were parked all along the road, flowers spanned the graveyard for as far as the eye could see, and people stood with umbrellas around their loved ones graves... remembering.  Remembering someone and something that is impossible to forget.

You see Michael, when you lose a loved one, others may forget.  They figure you should forget as well and go on with your daily life as usual.  Little do they know that it is something that is impossible to forget, nor something we would want to forget.  Why would we ever want to forget someone so perfect, so beautiful, so dear to our hearts?

I placed the pretty yellow mums I had picked out for you near your marker.  They stood out to me above all the others at the store because they were so bright and cheery.  Your dad and I hugged each other and counted our blessings.

As we stood there, I thought back on those few moments we had with you right after you were born and longed to hold you in my arms once again.  I am so grateful that I will be able to do just that someday.

Your big brother had fun running around trying to pull all of the flags out of the ground... until we told him that we needed to be more respectful.  I couldn't help but smile though.  He is such a boy.

Great-Grandma pulled up right as we were getting ready to leave.  We were both so grateful that you and Great-Grandpa are there together.  We miss you both terribly.  Give him a big bear hug for me and tell him I love him (and have him do the same to you).

I miss you and thank my Father in Heaven for you every night before I go to bed.  I love you Michael.

Until we meet again,
Your Mommy.


  1. Dear Hil,
    As always every single one of your post touches my heart. Since I have been reading your blog i feel that i have become a better mom.
    God bless you and your family.

  2. What a wonderful post. Thanks for the touching reminder.

  3. Such a sweet letter. I have been thinking of you a lot lately. Hope your doing well! Love ya.

  4. That was absolutely beautiful. I lost a foster daughter back to her birth mom, that I fully intended to adopt. That was twelve years ago, and I have never been the same. I feel the same way, you would never want to forget.

    Bless you as you strive to live a full life.

    found you at MMB

  5. What a wonderful letter to your son who has passed!
    Wonderful touching reminder!
    The mormon messages is a great touch!
    Thanks for sharing!

  6. Hi Hil! You don't know me, so sorry if this seems creepy, but I found your blog through a number of clicks and tags from what originally was a Visiting Teaching blog I follow. When I got to your other blog, I read your quote on there from Joseph Smith. I sat there for a long time with tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't notice your little link to this blog until about 5 minutes later.

    It seems when you have gone through something yourself, you notice an abundance of people that have gone through similar things. I lost my son almost 2 1/2 years ago when he was 16 months old. He was my 2nd child and I was only 21, such a young age to experience such a loss. It has been an absolute torture of emotion since then, the first year being the hardest. After a couple years, it's not only something that has strengthened our marriage and our family, but I see things so differently than I did before. I understand things far differently than before.

    I have come to understand that the Lord knows what He is doing, and we will only fully comprehend His ways in the life to come. I think the most comforting thought is that all of the Lord's doings are motivated by His love for us, and His desire for us to understand why He does what He does.

    I wish you much peace and comfort in this hard journey. Thank you for sharing your feelings, it helps people like me that are feeling the same things. :)

  7. Hi Hil!
    I was reading through the giveaway comments on The Idea Room, and was so inspired by yours. I love your blog and the courage you show as you are walking this difficult journey of healing--it brings tears to my eyes. Ten years ago my little baby boy breathed his last breath after living only 2 short days. I've never had the courage to tell his story, but you have inspired me to share it more with others. I really believe that the support we can give each other is so important, so thank you for telling your story! And I really hope you win my giveaway!


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