Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Yes, it's true.  I have officially somehow unknowingly entered the third trimester of this pregnancy.  In some ways it has gone by so fast, in others it feels like I have been pregnant forever.  I suppose that is because I have technically been pregnant for 50 weeks if we include my pregnancy with little Michael.  My husband told me the other day that he had forgotten what it was like for me to not be pregnant.  I think I have too.  We are very anxious and excited for this little one to make his big debut, especially after seeing him via ultrasound today!

With all the immense joy I am experiencing from being pregnant with this new little one, my heart has been heavy this past week.  I received news of a young couple (the mom went to my high school) who just lost their sweet baby boy.  She went into labor at 28 weeks, for unknown reasons, and delivered her baby shortly after.  He lived for 12 short days, surrounded by the love of his sweet parents, and passed away.

I had the privilege of being able to talk to this mother via email and hearing her story made my heart ache all over again.  The pain that a mother experiences after losing her baby is so deep and so raw it is something that can never be forgotten.  I remember after we came home from the hospital last Thanksgiving and it had been confirmed that Michael was gone, I literally collapsed in my husbands arms and sobbed uncontrollably.  So much pain, so much despair.  Hope was gone for that brief moment and all that existed in me was grief for my baby.

As I thought of what I could say to this grieving mother, the only thing I could think of was to let her know her precious baby will never be forgotten, will never be replaced, and she will have joy again some day.  It may take some time, but that day will come again.  Her sweet little boy will always be a special part of their family, a part that they will come to treasure.

I was reminded once again on Sunday as I sat across from two mothers who each had babies right around Michael's due date.  The babies are now five months old.  Five months old.  It was very weird to think had things gone as we had planned, I would have a five month old in my lap, rather than a protruding seven month belly.

Through all of these reminders of the greif and heartache, I am still reminded each time of what a blessing Michael was to our family.  We have learned so much through his loss and will continue to always love him and miss him until we see him again.

To the mother mentioned above, please know that I am praying for you and your husband.  Thank you for sharing your strength and testimony and for the reminder of how blessed we are to have eternal families.


  1. you write so beautifully about michael, your feelings, and understanding the loss others experience. just beautifully. michael is not just a blessing to your family, but to the world you touch by sharing his love. take care sweet friend! i'll be praying for the momma you mentioned.

  2. I'm with Heather. Absolutely beautiful words. I'm so impressed with how much love you spread with your experience. You always seem to know the right thing to say to mamas in need of comfort.

  3. you have an amazing way with words...so emotion filled, so compassionate and it seems like it's always the right thing to say.

  4. Hello Hil! I just stumbled upon your blog and then saw the video and quotes...how come all of my favorite bloggers are LDS? Thank you for sharing your story...it helps so many others when we share. Good luck with this baby!! I'm rooting for you...

    :) - Allison (mom of three crazy boys, ages 1, 3, and 5!)

  5. Thank Hil! and again, thanks for the e-mail!


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