Monday, September 12, 2011

At long last.

A few weeks ago I was having "one of those days". I was going crazy and needed to get out of the house so I drove up to the cemetery where Michael is buried with my two boys buckled in the car. I went with the hope that I would find his marker in the ground, knowing it was around the time the monument place said it would be installed. I had been a couple times before only to find the same plot of grass that had been there when we buried him. However, that day as I pulled up to his little spot in the world this is what I saw:

I was flooded with every emotion imaginable. Tears came to my eyes and I couldn't speak. Little Guy asked me what was wrong and all I could do was point at the picture on the headstone. He said, "Aww, is that baby Michael with Jesus?" I replied with a nod of my head. To which he said, "Ohh, that's so sweet." Whether my tears were tears of joy or tears of sadness is still in question because at that moment I felt both emotions simultaneously. I immediately called Jer and told him to meet us at the cemetery. I knew he was almost off work and couldn't wait for him to come and see it. We had waited far too long for this day, the day when the spot where our sweet son lays was finally marked.

We spent a while that evening in the cemetery, remembering the past and cherishing the present with our sweet little boys. Realizing, once again, how blessed we are to have these sweet spirits in our lives. We are so grateful that our family is forever and that Michael truly is eternally ours.

A side note: Michael is buried with my Grandpa. They were able to share a plot since Michael was so very tiny. It warms my heart that they are in the same spot and we are so grateful it worked out the way that it did! The arrow in the above picture shows where his headstone was placed with my grandpa's.


  1. my heart is heavy as i read this. what a sweet tribute to your darling michael. may you be blessed with an abundance of peace and comfort from our loving Heavenly Father...until you meet again. sending my love.

  2. Michael's marker is beautiful. The picture of him with Christ is a perfect depiction of where he is waiting for you until you see him again in heaven. I love reading your blog and I strive to be as strong as you and to be even half as good of a mom as you are.

  3. His marker is so beautiful, Hilary. I cried as I read this, how blessed we are to know that families are forever!

  4. The picture of Christ holding the baby is so comforting to me. Knowing that he is safe inside the arms of our Savior until the day that you can all be together again is just beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing this part of your heart with so many. I don't know if you'll ever know how much it helps.

    Love to you, Hilary.

  5. hilary.. i am all choked up. i love when you share your sweet thoughts about motherhood. i think about your loss often and say a small prayer for your family. the grave marker turned out so perfect and so simple; just like michael.

  6. Hilary, you are so amazing. When I am feeling sad and helpless I just look up your blog and see all the things you have done to keep your son's memory alive. I am so glad to have met you and to call you my friend!

  7. Beautiful! Love seeing it there!

  8. I somehow stumbled upon your blog this evening, this entry caught my eye. I started to tear instantly. I'm not sure of your story or how this happened, but from one stranger to another...I send you warm and thoughtful hugs. God Blessings to you and yours Hil, I can't imagine the anguish in your heart, the memories you'll carry with you forever. But Michael will live in your heart always. Your children are the only thing you can take with you to heaven. Bless you Hil!

  9. I'm glad it's there now for you and your boys to see.

  10. What a beautiful marker for such a special place.

  11. It turned out wonderfully, Hilary! It is perfect. Love the picture your chose. You are such a sweet mom. Thanks for always reminding us what life is really about.

    Good luck in the next couple weeks!! Very excited for you.

  12. hil,
    first, congrats on the new adventure to utah.

    did you realize that you lost sweet michael on what would have been cooper's first birthday? i dont think i ever put that together. anyway, i am missing cooper alot today. i am taking the final flock of birds to the hospital tomorrow. i have such mixed emotions about it, and i am sure will shed some tears tomorrow.

    anyway. love to you and the boys



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