Monday, October 22, 2012

Beam Me Up

Photo credit: Alyce Clegg Photography
This morning I received a message from a dear friend of mine, Sarah. Sarah and I used to be neighbors when I was little and living in Farmington. She comes from a family with five girls and my sister and I spent a lot of time with them. I always thought of them as the real life "Little Women" and they have always had a special place in my heart!

This was her message to me on Facebook:

Hi Hilary, 

This is a little random but I came across this song and thought I would pass it along to you. I've enjoyed following your public blog and thought of your sweet Michael when I heard this song. I hope maybe it'll bring a little joy into your day.

Have a wonderful day!

Attached was a link to the song below. I listened to it and it immediately brought me to tears. It is such a beautiful song about a mother who misses her child and asks for just one more minute. This song touched me in such a deep way. It's funny how just the other day I made the comment to Jer about how this year has been a good year as far as greif goes. I have truly come to terms with the loss and know that it is our Heavenly Father's will and have known that from the very beginning. There have been very few moments this year where I have cried remembering my sweet Michael. Most of my thoughts about his loss are ones of humility, reverence and gratitude. But today was a reminder of what an unpredictable roller coaster greif is. Despite my knowledge and certainty that I will see my son again, I still miss him. I've always wished to just have one minute with him, breathing in my arms. With having him stillborn I never had that moment. I know that wish will come true one day though and I'm forever grateful for that.

I recognize there are many of you who read this blog that have suffered a similar loss and might be touched by this song as well so I knew I just had to share it.

Thank you so much for sending this my way Sarah!

A few of my favorite lyrics from the song:
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet / I look at you and you're looking at me
Could you beam me up / Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it / Probably just stare, happy just to be there holding your face / Beam me up, / Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter, / 
I think, a minutes enough, / Just beam me up.

SIDE NOTE: The conference talk "Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also" has brought so much comfort into my life this month. I'm so grateful for inspired leaders and their words of counsel!


  1. You look beautiful in that picture, Hilary. It was such a blessing to be friends during that time for me. Your experience touched my heart and I'm so grateful that you shared so much of it. I read several of your posts again during my own losses and they were very comforting. Love the song, and I love the faith that you exude in your writings. Love you, Hilary.

  2. Hilary that picture is precious beyond words! You and your family have beautiful faith! So glad you enjoyed the song. Continue on. :)

  3. oh hilary, that is beautiful. thank you for always expressing your feelings so well. especially when it comes to grieving for michael. your honesty shows what a strong good person you are; and what love you have for him as his mama. thank you for sharing! november seems to be michael month; i hope i always remember the reverence we felt during thanksgiving time. what a precious gift life is. his will always touch so many hearts, even if he never had a breath here on earth. xo.

  4. oh wow, what a beautiful song and photo. thanks for sharing! brought tears to my eyes as well. xoxo


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