Simply Hil

Michael- Today marks three months since we lost you, but it feels like much longer than that.  It's hard to believe that you were still in my womb that short time ago.  This month has been an exciting one, however.  Probably the most exciting month we have had since we lost you.  The reason for such excitement is that I have been raising money for the Ebstein's Anomaly Foundation, in hopes to help others with the disease that took you from us. The last three months have been a roller coaster ride of emotions.  You'll be glad to know that I am happy more often now.  It isn't as hard but happiness is still a choice I have to make every morning when I get out of bed. I washed your blanket today, the one they wrapped you in right after I had you.  I haven't wanted to for fear of losing your scent, but realized that it had to be done.  It is now folded sitting neatly with the molds that the sweet nurse made of your hands and feet. I think a ...

I don't know what my deal is lately.  I have been so ornery.  The only thing I can pin my nasty mood on is the fact that the dreaded 'anniversary' of losing my baby is this weekend.  That's enough to put any one in a sour mood I suppose.  It's to the point where I'm pretty sure no one wants to be around me, including myself. I really just don't understand.  I have been doing so well .  The depressing days have been few and far between.  We have been laughing more often and are truly happy again.  A new and different happy, but happy.  Now, out of no where... BAM! all the heart-wrenching feelings are back.  I'm longing to be pregnant and have my Michael with me again.  But I won't get discouraged.  I refuse to get discouraged. Lately, I've found myself reading pregnancy stories featured on blogs of women who are expecting.  Stories that are just like my story with Little Guy.  When I had him, I was completely na...

Tonight JC came home from work and declared a guy's night with Little Guy.  They piled on their coats and boots and headed out the door.  They had errands that needed to be run (new windshield wipers and McDonalds were on the list).  I had visiting teaching, so it worked out perfectly. About five minutes after they left, I happened to look out the window only to find this: The culprits?  LG and JC.  I love my two boys. Yes, we did get more snow tonight and what is pictured above is just a portion of what came down.  Their tracks are completely covered, just 3 hours after they made them.  Can you believe it?  And yes, I am thoroughly disappointed about the new fluff.

:: No nightmares last night!  Wahoo! :: So glad the headband has made it's beautiful debut once again.  I remember wearing them all the time in grade school.  Then they went away for awhile.  Now they are back and cuter than ever, not to mention as helpful as ever.  I currently only own the plain elastic ones , but have been considering venturing out to cuter ones . :: Medical bills seem to be never ending.  I swear we finished paying them all last month, yet there I sat last night filling out more bills.  They are rude reminders of everything we went through in November.   For the record, the envelopes taste disgusting!  I really think they should make them flavored, which brings me to another point... is it really safe to lick glue ? :: Target is my happy place.  You know the saying "find your happy place"?  Mine is Target.  Today we went and came away with an adorable $4 spring shirt for Little Guy, some dollar bin i...

I've been having them lately.   No fun .  Most of them have consisted of me being back in Jr. High and High School (nightmares on their own) being late for class, being held back a grade level or getting lost. Last night, however, was a real nightmare.  You know the kind when you wake up and have that awful scary feeling and can't seem to shake it?  This nightmare woke me from my sleep abruptly at 1:48 am.  I noticed that I was shaking and breathing hard.  My mouth was dry and I had to get up to go get a drink from the kitchen. As I gulped down the water, I thought back on what I had just seen.  The details of the nightmare aren't necessarily important (if I told it to you, it wouldn't sound that scary) but the feeling I had during the nightmare and afterward is what scared me to the very core. I'm not sure what brought it on.  I try to avoid anything that might scare me as much as possible.  I'm not one for thriller or horror movies. ...

We had an absolutely gorgeous day today and spent most of it out of the house.  The few hours we were at home, we tried to make the best of it by keeping the t.v. and computer off.  It felt great and I have recommitted (once again) to making this the norm around here. I can't wait for spring!

While we were waiting in line at the drive-thru last night, I looked back at my Little Guy who had been a broken record with his questions the whole drive there.  "Where we going, mommy?"  "Where we going, daddy?" "What you doing, mommy?" "What you doing, daddy?"  Over and over again.  It didn't matter how many times we answered with "We are going to get ice cream", the same questions just kept coming.  I guess he had decided not to believe us until he saw it with his own eyes. There was a second, however, where he was quiet.  I looked back to see him smiling to himself.  In that second, I looked at my little boy who, no matter how much I didn't want to believe it, was growing up.  I had one of those moments where I couldn't believe how big my Little Guy was getting to be.  He is his own little person.  He has his own little quirks, habits, sense of humor, favorite foods, phrases, bedtime routine and thoughts.  I wondered ...